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A gloomy forecast for Christmas

Can someone please tell supermarket managers that it’s only October? The shops are filling up fast with Christmas cards and stupid candle gift sets already, and we haven’t even got Hallowe’en out of the way yet.

There are still plenty of flammable fancy dress outfits to spend your hard earned cash on, perfect for dressing your kids in as long as you don’t turn the fire on or let them anywhere near a gas cooker.

Mind you, with energy prices as they are, I don’t suppose most of us would put the gas on. Still, I don’t need to buy a fancy dress outfit as I already resemble a terrifying, snaggle-toothed hag at the end of most months these days.

The credit crunch – a turn of phrase which makes our troublesome times sound like a supermarket own-brand apple – is well and truly here to stay. Well, at least until Easter, but then all that stuff will be in the shops before Valentine’s Day, and all that will be in the shops before Christmas, at this rate. I think you get my point.

While some women will have reluctantly waved goodbye to their weekly Eve Lom facial and West End blow-dry; I, at the other end of the economic and social scale am waving goodbye simply to decent standards of personal hygiene by making my own body scrub from broken monkey nuts, crisps and Angel Delight.

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