Why do we need more cheaply made, poorly conceived, unamusing commemorative tat to mark Baby Cambridge’s arrival?
Over a year ago I wrote a typically bah humbug piece about the unnecessary proliferation of Jubilympic tat swamping the market(s) but I’m afraid I have to visit the subject again as Kate and Wills have popped out their little one and as such, the world has seemingly gone totally insane.
It’s out of control – the second it was announced Kate was going into labour, retail giants wheeled out their ill-conceived wares, spamming customers in the process, and predictions that a spike in sales would follow were hastily made. All it does is flood the market with more products people don’t need and it’ll only get worse when the little boy is named – a stroll down the wrong end of Oxford Street reveals enough stuff with names on to suggest there’s a readymade market poised to pounce when George, James or Tarquin is anointed.
And what next? Saint David of Beckham gets a new tattoo leading to Sports Direct issuing a commemorative gold doubloon, the Daily Mail printing a 32-page history of inking through the ages and Kay Burley prattling on about healing times and how she got a butterfly on her ankle once over a close-up of Dave’s plaster on rolling Sky News?
I’m very happy they’ve produced the next king of this country and they seem awfully nice people, but please stop with all the naff merchandise and save us the pain of not being able to move for cheap babygrows and chipped mugs on Antiques Roadshow 2063.